Red, White and Holi

Ok, so this was a post i had up a long time ago but never made it onto Bigbabztheory for some reason ! anyhow.. enjoy !

Ok, So I’m sure everybody knows, Holi is the festival of colours and is basically celebrated by Indians everywhere and all that they do is throw colours and water at each other. Sounds fun yes ?

Well I am going to share with you my personal experience of what can just happen to you at Holi.

It was a pretty hot afternoon and our cricket match had just finished, irony would have it that we would be wearing white and white on this day. Well as it so turns out Manipal Institute Of Technology has its own rules, and I was a victim of its sinister and crude ways !

Shirtless and evidently shameless, hundreds of people flock to the grand circle in MIT to play Holi year in and year out, as far as the eye could see there were people. As an innocent bystander i had to attempt to walk through this barrage of individuals i realized something, that no matter what, this walk through Kamath Circle was going to be disastrous!

I mean, these people don’t care who you are or what you’ve done, you were clean and that was all the incentive they needed. So as I helplessly walked to an inevitable doom contemplations began to what was to come, course it was short-lived as a group of young individuals walked by, to say the least they were ravishingly coloured and well, they had no apparent skin colour rather than a concoction of mixed dyes and all you could hear was the cacophony of them telling everybody that they had seen fresh blood !

Even with a cricket bat in my hand it was not enough, they circled me and I knew instantly it was over, there was to be no sympathy or generosity, the true question rises up now- to fight it… or join it. As I stood there pondering.. Well that’s all , by the time I even began thinking they had begun.!

Flung from the left, from the right, from in front, from behind and flung from angles which are too accurate for my post, it had begun in a matter of seconds I went from white to, well everything but white, but you would think that’s the end of processions, oh no !! no no no no no ! that was just the start of it all.

We as humans tend to go mental sometimes, and this was just an excuse for hundreds to go mental to say the least. As i gathered my senses and looked around, i noticed somethin out of the ordinary, there were shirts on the floor all around me, seems almost too coincidental that everybody else saw this and realised- Wait.. he has his on.

There was little time to prepare and before I new it, ripped from the inside out and torn into shreads, crumpled and thrown aside like a pair of smelly old socks, it was over. Bare body and all and off course clear skin which was just what they were looking for, and we were back to square 1. Colour Colour Colour. !!

To be quite frank relativity never shone her beauty until today, this whole act of ” celebration” had taken them approx 5 minutes, course it felt like forever for me

Well that was all they had for me, as soon as i became 1 of them they lost interest in me altogether, kinda like customer care to most products, but that’s another discussion for another day

This was just the ugly truth behind the fast times and life of an unfortunate person who was at the wrong place and certainly the wrong time. !

Well till next time where I can share my mishaps and life in general.

Adios !

Hosur Main Road

Every once in a while i get to go home and spend a weekend there, now this convenience is only possible because i live but 5 hours away from Chennai… But travelling i must admit, is not my strong point… As once again, you shall find out over the duration of this post… Let the tale begin !

It was 11pm, and i was at the bus stand waiting for my bus to arrive to take me back to Bangalore, I had a pretty rough week thus far and i was not too thrilled at leaving home. Running stories and situations through my head for the next few months. The bus finally came about and i got onto my seat. Now, my geography in Bangalore is VERY poor, in fact i cannot even begin to tell you how little i knew at that point.. anyway, there was 1 stop in particular that i remembered, Madiwala on Hosur Main Road. As you will find out, omitting words makes a big difference in location.

The final stop for the bus is Majestic circle, which is about an hours extra travel time from where i stay, so to avoid all that extra time and get home earlier.. i told the conductor that i wanted to get off at Hosur Main Road, he didn’t hear me properly so i shouted Hosur !! And he was like ok ok, no problem. With that sorted out i had no problems in finding sleep which so usually evades me on trips because i fear missing my stop. I was leaning against the window peering out into the dark surroundings and started to drift away, and very smoothly fell asleep.

Suddenly, there was a shout, ” Hosur, Hosur ” the conductor exclaimed, i was startled to say the least and very groggy, i got up, hauled my bag and got off the bus. I was pretty happy because i got off correctly and thought it was gonna be a good day. Now, my first clue as soon as i got off the bus was that it was still dark, i shrugged and assumed the sun will come up soon. I looked around me and realised i didnt really know my surroundings, this is when slight sense of panic set in i spun around just in time to watch my bus roll away, nobody else got off. I looked down at my watch, it read 3.10 am. This was madness, i was supposed to reach at 6am ! where am I ? not thinking very clearly i walked over to an auto driver present at the side of the road ( yes, at 3am there was an auto guy ) and asked him how far it was to JP Nagar. He literally laughed out loud, and told me that i wasn’t in Bangalore.
Now referring to my previously crappy knowledge of geography, I instantly realized that… well that i had a problem. I asked the auto driver where i was, and he said very nicely.. Hosur, and ladies and gentlemen, Hosur main road, is longer than i thought. So i checked my maps on my cellphone and found out that Hosur is about 40 km outside of Bangalore. Starting to panic, i asked the auto driver whether he would take me to JP Nagar, and he said , (in tamil ) ” no brother, this is Tamil Nadu, not Karnataka “. I at that point WTF-ed myself. I didn’t miss my stop, I didn’t get off at the wrong street, i didn’t get off in the wrong area, i didnt get off in the wrong city / village, I …. got off… in the wrong state ! Do you know how retarded that is ! I do !

After slapping my face a few times i asked him what time the next bus would be leaving to Bangalore, thankfully he said 4am, all i had to do was waste 20 minutes in the middle of nowhere. I sat on the side of the pavement, and had some very dodgy characters crawl past me in that time. 4am couldn’t have come any later. An old lady conductor stepped out and in a very shrill voice screamed Bangalore. Now, i know black magic and about witches, i was not about to get onto that bus, but she turned and glared, and almost as if spell like i was drawn to the bus, more out of fear but whatever.
I got onto the bus, and on it were the shadiest people i have ever met, i tucked my watch and wallet into my boxers ( defence mechanism ) and found a seat inbetween 2 burley men who were stinking of sweat at this unearthly hour, they had beards up till their shoulders and made me sit in the middle, i felt like white pudding they were about to devour. I forced myself to stay awake for fear of missing my stop, bneing robbed, or having bruno and rex over here having their way with me.

The air was cold, that helped a lot. now this bus stopped at every single stop, and before you knew it, the bus was full to the brim. I could barely squeeze forward or move to the side. I felt like a prize in a box of cereal, choking and suffocating. I gritted my teeth through it all and was determined to make it out and live to tell the tale ( yes this is a defining moment ), i eventually made it to my stop, i got touched so awkwardly so many times its not even cool to joke about. I got off and well, i got off at the wrong place again ! Son of a ****.. BUT! i was in Bangalore.

I got onto the auto, and he ripped me off to kingdom come, sigh, come to think of it, i arrived at 5.45, and home by 6.20.. same time as the other bus, so looks like my effort to be streetwise and stuff backfired.
Moral of my story, stick to my strengths, thinking and planning… clearly not one of those..

Till next time folks !

The Bengaluru express

February 28th 2011, Teh Babz enters Bengaluru for the first time as an employee at Honeywell.
He said his goodbyes in Chennai to his mother and sister and embarked on a mission for 4 long months, of which he is still being troubled by today.

The hardest part about living in such a place is accommodation, and i found out in a rather ugly but very apt way that life is not always a breeze.
Teh babz got the number of a broker from his good ol mate Richa, and went to see a few PG’s ( paying guest houses ) where you could pay and stay on monthly rents. I had already been warned about the state of these places and had no real idea till I saw them first hand. Dark and dingy rooms, poorly lit, red walls and a heaviness of the air that could only be compared to the inside of a coffin buried 6 feet under. After politely saying that i would call back later, i went on to the next PG and the next and the next but to no avail. Finally i decided to call the broker, his name was Shiva and sounded very decent on the phone and thus i decided to check the place out.
We met outside a shop the following day and he took me to the PG, the road turns left and right and left again, finally at a dead end the huge apartment like building lay.

The building in itself was very nice and the rooms were spacious and well lit, i was told that my room would take a few days to get ready and was requested to share a room for 2 days. I agreed instantly out of fear of losing the apartment to somebody else. I managed to make it through those days well and good and got my own room, and thats when the troubles began.

This room was on the ground floor and from outside looked funny, i went inside and it was like the room i had seen earlier and i was happy enough. I settled down and thought that this was the ideal place. Later that day i had met a few friends for dinner and returned home at around 11pm. I locked the door and slipped into a deep slumber. At around 1 am, i woke up because i needed to use the washroom and started trudging towards when i noticed a fan was running in the hall, perplexed to say the least i went to switch it off and to my surprise i found 4 people sleeping on the floor ! I had locked the door shut and here at 1am i have 4 people randomly sleeping in my house, what if they had broken in ? What if i made a sound ? Would they harm me, i saw no option but to run into my room and lock the door. Immediately i did that, the power went out and it became unbearably hot, so i decided to open my window because so help me god i wasn’t opening the door. As i opened the window and let a fresh breeze in, i peered across to the other side where there were 2 people, 2 people staring straight at my room with as little as a smile, i freaked out ! What was this place, i did the only honorable and brave thing i could think of, i sat knees in arms on the floor praying that the electricity and daylight would come soon ! Eventually the power did come back, but i did not sleep, not till i saw daylight and gathered the courage to open that door. And yes, through all of this, i forgot to use the toilet.

I think that was the ultimate deciding factor in me leaving the room in the morning,  I slowly opened the door and to my shock, there was nobody, there was no sign that anybody had even been there. This i must admit totally messed with my head and i knew i had to get out of there. I went to the caretaker and asked him about it,  by the way people.. communication barriers are a bitch, this guy could only speak the local language and it was like talking to a goat.. his mouth was moving but all i heard was disjointed grumbles. Finally the building owner arrived and i asked him, and his response was to die for ! He said rather with an air of nonchalance ” Oh, yes.. i let them in, they are construction workers from nearby and wanted a place to sleep for the night, and by the way.. you should consider latching your door as well instead of just locking”, after i gave him my wtf face i got round to asking why the hell they were there, and again in his oh so annoying tone; ” oh, i thought you would be okay with it, they are very nice people.. don’t worry.. “. Son of a biscuit I had heard all i needed to hear, without further time wastage i packed my bags and …. well i stayed there 1 more night because i had no where to go, but still.. i think i made my point.

I finally made it out alive and got my deposit back after some rather pointless arguing and talking to the caretaker again, we kinda shared a bond at the end of it, but thats history. As for me, I left and now starting a new phase in Bengaluru, whats gonna happen in the next few months,  guess we’ll just have to find out laters

Teh Babz Returns, Version 2.0

Salutations 1 and all. This business of being MIA has got to stop ! It has been too long, the masses have spoken and teh Babz has come to play again !!
Welcome to the new era in life and i invite you to enjoy, share and laugh at these moments with me

without further delay… I present to you, once again… Big Babz Theory !!

w00t w00t

She’s All Male

Ok.. Well the trouble at big babz theory is that sometimes we get times where nothin interesting happens.. now i no wat ur thinkin.. that teh babz never has dull days.. but let me assure u.. im also human

Anyway gettin back to todays adventure..
Chennai is under seige.. rain pouring down from all directions.. well ordinarily i would never go out in such harsh conditions.. but wen i left it was pretty good weather..
So now, after running an errand i had to walk back home where it started raining.. it was a slight drizzle at the time but to avoid any problems.. teh Babz decided to take a shortcut through a little slum and save round 10 mins.. smart move.. errr
Well it was a narrow lane with houses on either side and a few children playing in the middle.. i managed to get past the initial zone then got to a point where i was actually lost.. sigh.. by this time the rain was comin down in buckets.. and i was lost.. in the middle of a slum and some shady people lookin out at me.. but that was not the main problem.. i had to seek refuge..
There was this little shop with a cover that had a lot of people underneath it.. so i went there… for the last time.

Once i got underneath the shelter i started to dy myself… kinda like how dogs do it. shake shake shake
Ok now that i had a second to look around.. there was a host of people.. non more striking than a group of girls wearing sarees who were staring down on me like i was a biscuit… course my natural reaction was mehh.. but they kept lookin.. and it made me flinch.. after a minute or so.. they came over and spoke to me… now as common knowledge goes.. women have generally soft sweet voicees… ohhh noo.. these women had deep husky voices wreaking of cheep alcohol and paak, they spoke to me in street tamil.. now i had a hard enough time with normal tamil and they come up and hit me with this shiz.. naaa man.. not cool.. but i tried avoiding and i no i musta looked like a spoilt full of crap person but i was scared ok..
Well that was ok i guess.. till they got sliightly physical.. course by slightly i hide and save my shame.. they started touching my face and asking for money… and as i shoved them off.. i noticed somethin.. these are not women…
She’s a He !!. yea it sadly took a lil close engagement to realise this.. but in my defence.. i was tired.. wet.. and scared… sigh.. now i didnt no whether to brave the storm… or try to fight back… i tried shoo-ing them off shunning from side to side.. but that dont work… so i ran out of the shade.. and wouldnt u no it.. cos the water level was so high.. i tripped and fell into the puddle… and splashed water everywhere…. sigh now that 1 single action defeated my whole purpose of being under the shelter in the 1st place… lol .. looking back… the she males were act disgusted.. lol looks like iv found their kryptonite.. and feeling really good bout myself i tried scaring them and they flinched.. muhahah feeling the power at my hands i decided to b wat my poor hindi would call a ” chooth” and splashed water on them….yea.. bad bad idea.. as soon as i did it.. their faces went furious.. and started removing chappals.. so i turned and ran.. ran like a fat boy lookin for food… like an indian and a jew running for the last buy 1 get 1 free item at the dollar store.. and never turned back… eventually i made it home and iv not set foot outside since. .. cos u no wat they say bout women and their other halves…
eeeeesh
welll teh babz is locked indoors for a while till shiz cools down… till next time.. dum dum dum dum dummmmmmm

Teh Babz

He’s Back !!

Yes indeed.. so like a summer break and stuff alike.. teh babz has gone into hibernation.. but he is back.. and back with a bang.. sticks and stones have broken bones in the past few months… sorrow.. agony.. lootsa humour… some awkward things in between.. not all out of the ordinary and so much more.. ahhh feels good to b writing once again.. and pwnage to all my peeps who thought i wouldnt write again ..
well anyhow im just here to tell ya that im back.. i no y’all missed me.. and yea yea.. dont worry.. lotsa funny shiz comin ur way .. just after the break..
and btw.. i got my lisence.. and guess wat.. wrong name… wrong birthdate.. sigh.. teh babz 0—– rest of world 1
anyhow…. too the babzmobiile and awaaaay we gooo

Babaji lives again

Lemme ask you.. if u had to think of teh Babz in a situation.. and i threw in the words.. corruption..drugs.. a drivers license and a sandwich… spells kinda the situation teh Babz would commonly find himself in..
It all started at 6am when i woke up to go get my license in india.. now as u may recall from my last mishap at the RTA i wasnt really looking forward to going today..
Ok well i arrived at the RTA office at aprox 7:32 ( yes its pretty far away ) and realised that the office only opens at 8. sigh so i had to wait.. and where better to wait than at babaji’s shady minivan.. well cos he is a friend of my driving instructor…although he looked more his biatch than anything.. .. well he looked up and down on me like he did the last time.. fresh meat.. hmmmm well i spent 25 awkward mins with him before going back to the office to apply for my test today..
That was a smooth enough process thankfully and was arrange… the sad thing is that it was set for for 11am.. faack.. so guess its back to Babaji’s for me.. sigh.. he wasnt too thrilled to see us either… he was sitting in a nearby friends ambassador.. and he was talkin some serious business to him.. bout wat i don really no.. but he gave me a look and smiled… and told me to go wait by his van..he had something to take care of.. so well..bein the real total brave person i am… listened to him blindly.. and stood next to his van.. now maybe its just me but i noticed a few individuals who kept scanning my zone… and as i pondered simple things like my fly being opened.. suddenly a young male came riding on a bike and parked right next to me.. he got off and started to piss by the road.. so i naturally assumed he is a normal person
Well he went off somewhere and left a package behind.. and i yelled out to him saying that he left his stuff.. but he ignored…
Suddenly an eerie feeling crept over me as i felt was being watched by those funny people.. and sure enough.. a man with a black hoodie.. at 40 degree heat walks up to the bike.. picks up the package.. gives me a really dirty look and walks away… now i new better than to say anything… that dude was trading drugs man.. viscous outlook it was.. after he left.. all those shady guys packed their stuff and left.. it was like.. i donno man.. but bein near Babaji made me feel unsafe man…

After a few unsure minutes… Babaji asked me to sit inside the van and wait for the driving exam which would start momentarily… i like a fool fell asleep in the van.. lol excitement was too much for me to handle…but yes i did.. and woke up just intime for the driving test… LOL all this happened b4 the driving test.. more to come just after the break

Coming of age

Generally teh babz has come to be known as a fun pass-time story teller.. today is somethin of a different nature..
Its the fact that in todays world.. if u dont have to say somethin that the other person wants.. ur considered useless.. which i believe is a crime.. i shant pinpoint people or happenings..
During the course of these holidays.. life has been anything but a walk in the park.. not alls going great and it does get tedious keeping up with life.. With age comes maturity and it has begun to show.. even if its merely going to the store or taking ur dad to the doctor for general checkups.. they all add up.. now with all this comes time constraint.. We usually find ourselves with oodles of time to frolic and play.. sadly teh babz has not..he has tried to maintain social and family in the ration 3:4 with clear weightage on family.. Why is it that when we are free and others are not its ok.. but wen u are busy when others are free its wrong.. and makes u look like the bad guy.. well whatever it may be.. truth be told its not the sweetest feeling.. and i do try. but wen somethings come up.. its not by choice or destiny or anything like that.. its called coming of age..

Well that may be a completely pointless post.. but wen ur minds clouded.. writing is the best expression for it..

A Common Case Of The Babz

Ok.. Now im sure most of y’all have seen Dave Chappelle.. where there is 1 pathalogical black guy that EVERY black guy looks like wen there is a crime…

Well looks like times are a changing… and if we had a david chappal ( LOL).. he’d talk about wat happened to me..

Its like this.. teh Babz was walkin back from the stores like a good boy buying stuff for the home… When all of a sudden.. a becrazed guy screams ” him him aiyoooo hiiiiim ” and like any curious citizen i turned…. but like in a flash… they were holding my hand…. WTF..

At first i thought i was bein robbed or somethin.. but no.. iwas being taken to the scene of the commotion.. the the becraed guy is raving on and on in some deeep tamil that i for respect said “ya … ok ” to.. and now apparently somebody caught onto my well disguised confusion and came over to me… he whispered in my ear that this guy thinks i stole a fire extinguisher from his hotel… uhhhhhhh..

This ranting went on well over 20 minutes where eventually i( along with my new translator. whose name i donno ) and we finally pleaded our case and although he was adament that i took it.. he had no proof and swore at me rather harshly.. and ended his conversation with ” bloody fucking foreign indians…” eeesh.. looks like some1 pms’d waaaaay too much for their own liking…

Well i came home.. and never told my parents.. cos my mom would prob go back and tell the owner wat we had already told him…. sigh… well i got a haircut after that so im all new and safe for now .. all i no is that its not safe here to look like me… sigh…

And for all u ppl who think i stole it .. .or clepto-maniacly took it…. NO i didnt…. lol

but teh babz lives on… each turn a new thing waiting to happen….

stay tuned !!

Star Whores

ok… today is a different sort of funny babz moment.. not ur average somethin funny happenin… no.. tonight we have cyber sex as an issue…
yes wtf may b ur initial review… but lemme tell u the tale… the tale i like to call… star whores…

ok.. so teh Babz is randomly online minding his own business.. when an unkown email id adds me…. my immediate instinct is to add and find out who it is… so i did so… i started with a simple ” who is this yo “… and after a 2 min silence i get a question to answer mine… she says… oh yes.. im DEFINATELY assuming its a she.. lol its my blog… …anyhow.. she says.. ” hi i just got out of my black thong and was waiting for some action”..
….. teh babz pauses…. now following my history.. this would probably b a friend having some so called fun with me… so i was cautious. and interacted slowly with it.. being bored online thought my friends were like me.. sigh…
before i new it.. it asked me wat style i prefer… and i was all stunned… i mean geez stupid ppl yea…. i didnt answer…. following question… ” do u think i like cum”.. my rply.. ” i think id like to go away”.. bahhhhh
well this stupid thing kept pestering me… so i blocked it… and now i dont no how this happens… but it continues talkin to me after blocking… wtf is that.. so now im living in fear.. and hiding in the corner of my screen.. afraid to touch any key… incase i run into star whore again !!!
i live in fear and am seeking the help of my friends…. wat will i do next…
stay tuned…..